Alejandro

10 Jan

I had a brief phase in college where I grew bored with the physical attractiveness of my Orange County peers. I envied my girlfriend who went to FIDM, because she was surrounded with LA hipsters and artsy-fartsy freaks. That fascination with trendy, scene kids quickly dwindled given my experience with Alejandro.

Alejandro is his real name. If by some twist of fate he stumbles upon this, I want him to know I am talking about him.

Dear Alejandro, thanks to you I avoid all hipster weirdos. Looking homeless with your tattered clothes and excessive facial hair is one notch above being homeless. Our encounter was traumatic, but down the road I’ll throw a nickel in your Starbucks cup on Santa Monica Blvd.
Love, Ella.

I met Alejandro in the winter. Cold weather is prime time for indie kids to layer their thrift store finds. Alejandro had it all: a fedora, scarf, sweatshirt, peacoat, tight jeans, hole-y shoes, and thick eyeglasses (probably non-prescription). I don’t understand why these people pretend wearing 20 accessories is actually effortless? You know what’s effortless? Me wearing a dress and heels with no bra/panties to a hockey game. Suck on that scenester scum.

Ale wanted to take me to a Lebanese restaurant and I delightfully accepted. At dinner, I ordered my typical favorite: labneh, pita chips, and lemonade. Of course pretentious Alejandro criticized me, “Why would you order anything other than falafal, tabouleh, or baba ghanouj?” Well Alejandro, if I don’t know how to spell it, I don’t eat it.

When the bill came, I reached for my card. At that time, splitting the bill was my way of saying, “I’m independent, I don’t follow traditional norms, I’m so cool!”
Ale jumped at the opp to say, “Oh I left my card in the car, can you cover me?” I did, because I didn’t want to get arrested for dine-n-ditch. That would be shady.

I should have just walked taxi’d home, peace out. But I had no backbone, so I hopped in his POS car (I think it was a ’78 Datsun). The backseat was f-ing disgusting.   His had about 17 empty cigarettes packs and Doritos bags. I wouldn’t be surprised if rodents resided back there. My car’s backseat has 4 pairs of emergency high-heels, a handle of Smirnoff, back-up mascara, and VS body sprays.
My backseat = messy, his = dirty. See the difference?

Before taking me home, he stopped to buy his fav, exclusive German beer, not available at your average liquor store [eye roll]. I wasn’t 21 and had to wait (in that nasty car!) in the BeerHaus parking lot.  He bought 15 individual bottles/brands, and didn’t offer me one. And woah buddy, when did your credit card suddenly appear? You can spend your money and (more importantly my time) at this beer haus, but can’t buy dinner? You frugal, stingy, douchebag! I never confronted him, I said nothing and ignored his future phone calls. Maybe he’ll find a art model with dirty fingernails to accommodate his lifestyle.

Come to think of it, I bet his name was Alex and he changed it sound more exotic.

Lessons to Learn:

  • Are we in Holland? Then don’t go Dutch, this is America, bitch.
  • If he’s broke, don’t try to fix him- even if you have a trust fund. Guys who let you pay have issues. I promise, it’s not worth it.
  • Your time is more valuable than your money, don’t let a guy waste either of yours.
  • and this picture below is why I do not like hipsters.

24 Responses to “Alejandro”

  1. "Major Pain" January 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    Uh, should that Header not read, “Discarded,” rather than “Discaded”….(Just, saying)…..

  2. Steph February 9, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

    Feel like providing a source for your chart there?

    • ellayourbella February 10, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

      I just googled it, I don’t remember. Sorry!

  3. Katherine February 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    Paying for his dinner?! I would be so pissed

  4. xoxo bb February 23, 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    What an el pigo! It’s funny because one of my posts talks about going Dutch and if the Dutch are hospitable people, how could they devise such a wretched rule? Haha

    • ellayourbella February 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

      Hahaha El pigo I have to use that!!!!

      • xoxo bb February 24, 2012 at 3:02 pm #

        Yeah and el cheapo…that’s another one I use. See my Brooke-isms section! lol

  5. Estella April 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

    ok, your blog is so perfect for college life… you are talking about all the things that people did, but no one wants to say in public ;)

    • Ella April 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm #

      thank youuu Estella!!

  6. BBE April 13, 2012 at 5:27 am #

    Brilliant blog. I need an advice. Most of the girls that i went out with insisted to split the bill. I want to pay the whole bill, at least at the 1st three dates(giggles). But i also know about this whole :50-50 we’re both equals thing, and i don’t want to insult the lady insisting to cover for her as well. In your opinion what is the most desirable phrase/manner to approach the problem to make my girl date understand that i want to pay the bill without making her feel that she owes me or smth like that.

    Regards

    • Ella April 13, 2012 at 9:18 am #

      I have a blog about who should pay on a date. http://ellayourbella.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/letting-the-guy-pay/

      Tell a girl that you are intrepret “splitting the bill” as her not being interested. You sound traditional, so you need a girl who values traditions. Or is mature/confident enough to accept a guy paying for her :)
      hope that helps <3
      Good luck!!

  7. Coco April 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm #

    i read once that if a guy is stingy with his money, he´s also likely stingy in bed…. and unfortunately, in my experience this is true :P
    hilarious, loved this one!!

    • Ella April 15, 2012 at 7:34 pm #

      oh I believe it!! and thanks for stopping by :)

  8. TriciaMaria April 27, 2012 at 4:13 pm #

    Heya, I could not agree with you more about hipsters, I went to a college teeming with them and at first it was awesome I learned a lot about stuff I never knew existed. After a while though their pretentious statements began to ware on my sanity!

    • Ella April 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

      seriously. it’s too much effort, for not a lot output.

  9. mtlinares9 May 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

    Hilarious, lol I love it, seems like you’re the Oprah for your lady followers, I dig it. Good insight on your stories and experiences, I’m running down your list. Might answer with a response to one of your pieces to make this fun.

  10. asaavedra78 May 29, 2012 at 9:57 am #

    This is not THE Alejandro in your story, but my parents did name me Alejandro.
    Always loved my name until I read this… thanks! haha

  11. laura June 13, 2012 at 11:43 am #

    I love this blog…

    • Ella June 14, 2012 at 11:24 am #

      Thank you Laura!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Aden L. « Ella Elle L'A - February 1, 2012

    [...] I refused to pay for brunch. Aden was immediately crossed off the Ella-gible bachelor list. I’d already learned my lesson with Alejandro. [...]

  2. Boo Radley Syndrome « Ella Elle L'A - February 28, 2012

    [...] already expressed my thoughts on hipsters. I’ve another complaint to add to the list: their facial [...]

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