Because I live near Accounting firms like Ernst & Hung, Goldman’s Ballsacks, and Pimp-Hoe, I get to encounter men in the Finance sector. One common theme resonates with them all; they are desperately trying to be Patrick Bateman. Like literally the first 30 seconds of talking to Bankers sound like the opening quote from American Psycho: […]
Category Archives: My Discarded Men
If I invite, a boy some night, to cook up some hot enchilada. Though Spanish rice, is all very nice, my heart belongs to DaDa – Marilyn Monroe I’m not nicknaming this discarded man Aladdin, because that Aladdin character was a street rat with a monkey-friend. Yuck. Ali Ababawa was a Prince with a pet ellaphant. Yummm. […]
When I was a kid, there was a popular anti-smoking campaign with Debi Austin. I found the ads very disturbing… But obviously not disturbing enough, because I was a smoker for nine glorious years. I now get a sense of pride, when I see that the anti-smoking ads have re-surfaced, because I quit for the 12th […]
“You really are a great guy, but right now I’m looking for an a-hole.”- @ExGFPRBLMS. As a wee one I was kinda-sorta smart a genius… obviously. I was thrown into kindergarten class at the ripe age of four. I was forced into a program in which I read Dr. Seuss books to sixth graders… during nap […]
“If you don’t pick up the phone, I bet one of your Fraternity brothers will”- Macy I like attention. Lots of it. I so desperately need be showered with love & affection every minute of every hour once every other day, or I will get it elsewhere (eg: his roommate, his fraternity brother, best friend, […]
“Let me get this straight: he’s gorgeous, successful, Catholic, and you love his family. Why isn’t he your boyfriend again?”- my mother, who sometimes accuses me of being lesbian, since I’ve never had a boyfriend. I heard this once about guys, so I’m going to steal it. There are two types of men: the Salads […]
Dear Guys, your pillow-talk sucks. Whispering the f-word in my ear is not sexy. If you’re trying to convince me to sleep with you, I’m already turned off. No means no, begging is for the homeless at Christmas time. Dear Ladies, if you have sex with a guy just because he says “pretty please,” you’re […]
I had a brief phase in college where I grew bored with the physical attractiveness of my Orange County peers. I envied my girlfriend who went to FIDM, because she was surrounded with LA hipsters and artsy-fartsy freaks. That fascination with trendy, scene kids quickly dwindled given my experience with Alejandro. Alejandro is his real […]
I met Aden at the beach on Easter during a Sunrise Service. I was enjoying Jesus. He was enjoying the early morning swell. Aden quickly informed me (shamelessly bragged) that he was a pro surfer. And it just so happens I worked for his major sponsor (who shall remain nameless). I’d never heard of him […]
Since the holidays are approaching, I thought it fitting to discuss my Christmas Break fling. I met Owen in a less-than-conventional-way: hooking up with his roommate. The next morning I was gathering all my belongings and trying to sneak out before sunrise. Unfortunately, Owen was wide awake making breakfast. Good morning, you hungry? Not my […]
