Toby K.

17 Apr

“You really are a great guy, but right now I’m looking for an a-hole.”- @ExGFPRBLMS.

As a wee one I was kinda-sorta smart a genius… obviously. I was thrown into kindergarten class at the ripe age of four. I was forced into a program in which I read Dr. Seuss books to sixth graders… during nap time. While the illiterate kinders were in La-La Land during nap time, I was developing both my reading and social skills hanging out with the big boys. This is how my admiration for older men silver foxes developed. Between that and the trend of kids sucking their moms teets til six years old, I have always been the youngest in my classes- even in college. Last to get my license, last to turn 21, but first to sneak whiskey from my dad’s cabinets. Even people academically a year behind me are older than me.

This background story is significant to how I handled myself with Toby. I met Toby while picking my girlfriend up from the dorms at school. I pulled in to a red zone, threw my hazard lights on and waited for her to come out. Toby was passing by on his Sector 9 and struck up conversation with me. My girlfriend finally hopped into my illegally parked car, and I was ready to roll out. Toby insisted Stop playing hard to get and give me your number. Homeboy had an ego, and I had a desire to boost it break it. But when I refused to bite the bait, Toby hopped behind my car- while I was in reverse! This was very Noah from The Notebook of him, I’m not moving til you give me your number. My heart was racing. Whether it was because I almost hit him with my car, had been illegally parked for 20 minutes, or was slightly turned on- I’m not sure. Maybe it was mixture of all three, but Toby got his wish. Fastforward –> super cliché, romantic dates: candlelit dinners, live music, sharing popcorn at the movies, the whole shebang.

Toby was six-feet-two-inches of pure bliss. He was one of the very few people who can make me laugh out loud. He also annoyingly intelligent; and I loved it.

Oh yeah… and did I mention he was a freshman in college while I was a college senior, months away from graduating? So when I wanted to order wine, I felt guilty. I couldn’t invite him to the bars with my friends and he didn’t have the extensive social network four years at the school built me. Uhh how do you not know who Sara Haduni is? She’s totes my bff! These are the well-thought-out oh-so-shallow reasons why I had to let it go.

When I finally decided to end things for good, he slyly said You know Ella, in all the time we’ve been dating I’ve not once mentioned age. You always bring it up. My question is who needs to grow up here? Ziiing. He had a point, I was so wrapped up in my long list of expectations & standards, I punished Toby for not being the fantasy silver fox I created in my koo-koo-for-Kettle-One head. Moreover, I punished myself. [Wow, this blog took an unexpected sentimental turn].

I guess my moral of this story is: you should live in the moment, instead of overthinking every single “flaw.” Whoever you end up marrying is gonna be the exception to all your current rules anyway [ask your mom].

49 Responses to “Toby K.”

  1. asianbadass April 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm #

    Great as always Ella! The thing with the age thing is that there comes a point when that isn’t a problem, but when you’re in college, it’s a drag. I’ve known 22 year olds who dated 17 year olds and let met tell you how that did NOT work out. Eventually, yeah, it gets boring. Sorry to the 17 year old who thought they were worldly, but at 22 you crave fun like a meth addict craves…well…meth. It’s just that once you get beyond those years, you realize age is only a number. Unless he asks you to buy beer on the way back from the prom. Not cool, bro. Learn to score yourself.

    • Ella April 17, 2012 at 1:32 pm #

      hahahah you’re so en-pointe!!

      • asianbadass April 17, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

        I love being en-pointe…but it hurts my feet! (buh dum bum)

  2. chancedagger April 17, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    4 years difference ain’t no difference at all off a college campus and isn’t much of one anyway. Foolish you but also honest you for learning the lesson.

  3. Sarah April 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    hahahahaha great name spelling error…no one will EVER know its me
    lolol love this!!!!

  4. Chelsea Cooley April 17, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    My favorite so far! Keep it up!

    • Ella April 17, 2012 at 6:13 pm #

      bahaha you’re the best Chels <3

  5. Myxl Dove April 17, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    Exceptions to the rule. Maybe Toby was one (for someone else, obviously). There’s an age difference of 3 years between me and my wife. She’s the older one and it’s never come up. As a matter of fact, people often assume I’m older. Maybe because that’s the “relationship standard” I suppose society has established? i don’t know. But hey, I let people think whatever they want. You’ll never hear any complaints from me. ;-)

    • Ella April 17, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

      i like that a lot :)

  6. you're just a dumbass April 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Ella! This is fantastic!!! koo-koo-for-Kettle-One head-hilarious! We all do it, Ella! We all think that aholes & dbs are better than what they are.

    Try out what I suggested today. Let me know if it’s helpful.

  7. Dawn April 17, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    I’m going to say… I competely agree. I date younger men. I get asked all the time “would you have kids?” Well…my response is always “I have learned not to shut ANY doors…” Put the list away….and follow your heart. It knows way better than your head!!

  8. aneroidocean April 17, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

    Great post. Sector 9 is a skateboard in case anyone is wondering.

  9. lily2u1 April 17, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    Ooh, this was a goood story, smart (you still are) and funny, and I really needed to hear that last line, especially! Thank you, Ella! ~ Lily

    • Ella April 18, 2012 at 11:21 am #

      Thank you Lily!!!!

  10. thefobbymotherland April 17, 2012 at 8:04 pm #

    I have the opposite problem – I often end up dating guys for oh-so-shallow reasons, which ones worse? lol

  11. caprimontgomery April 18, 2012 at 1:19 am #

    “You know Ella, in all the time we’ve been dating I’ve not once mentioned age. You always bring it up. My question is who needs to grow up here?”

    Wow…now that is a semi mature guy there (I would say very mature, but the bike behind car thing kind of threw me off…). At least you can look back on the situation and learn something from it.Age seems to be a big thing when it comes to women dating a younger man, but rarely when it comes to a man dating a younger woman. Maybe women (within reason) should start getting over the age thing…

  12. ihmheavy April 18, 2012 at 1:21 am #

    I can so relate! I met a dude recently who is–14–count ’em, 14 years younger than me (clearly I am a lot older than you, dear blogger) and I thought to myself, “he nails everything that’s important to me in a guy–except age. So maybe age isn’t so damn important.” I’m not sure how things will progress with him, but I’m glad to roll with it and see what happens.

    • Ella April 18, 2012 at 11:24 am #

      14 years!!?!?!? Hahah when I see cute babies I say “oh lala, I’ll be your sugar mama. call me in 18 years.” And I kinda sorta mean it. You’re only as old as you feel!

  13. K-- April 18, 2012 at 7:59 am #

    I prefer older men for the most part too, but there is something about the overly romantic, somewhat crazy, gestures of the younger ones. I love this blog. Reminds me of some of the crazy things guys have done to get my attention. Great write!

  14. whatizthatsmell April 18, 2012 at 12:30 pm #

    been with the older gals…ten years older….and been with the younga gals….and learned one thang….

    age aint nothin but a numbaaaaa lol

  15. whatizthatsmell April 18, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    been with the older gals…ten years older….and been with the younger gals…and learned one thang from all the joys of woman and man man and woman….

    age aint nothin buta numbaaaaa lol

    • Ella April 18, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

      hahahah seriously.

  16. Carolina Courtland April 19, 2012 at 10:13 am #

    You’re a super good story teller. : )

  17. deangump April 20, 2012 at 3:55 am #

    Great post as always! Keep posting the awesome stories!

  18. LadyJsVoice April 20, 2012 at 8:35 am #

    You need to write a book. Great writing & post! ;)

  19. gravitasbaby April 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    Hey, young cougar. Thanks for the adorable ‘Like.’

  20. makingachoice April 22, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    This is great. Made me laugh..

  21. samanthacangelosi April 26, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

    Love your blog!

  22. clintonspel April 27, 2012 at 7:46 am #

    good story ella. i love it

  23. chiclittleblackdress April 27, 2012 at 10:57 am #

    I’m defintelly clicking the follow button for your blog because I love your sense of humor!!! every girl needs to have a lil fun!!!!

  24. TBT April 27, 2012 at 11:32 am #

    Wow, that was great. Especially that last paragraph really hit home.

    • Ella April 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

      Thank you TBT!!

  25. ashazenzi April 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm #

    Pssssttttt……I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! You can see the post here:
    Congratulations! Here’s the website if you want more info on your award:


    • Ella April 30, 2012 at 7:00 pm #


  26. David Gillaspie April 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm #

    A post with fast forward speed. Good work, Ella. The rules are important…so you know the sound when you break them. More important you’ll know the sound when that future exception to all your rules breaks them.

    Love the quote at the top. My wife remembers what a bad boyfriend I was. Do I need to tell her that’s what makes me such a good husband? Probably not, but that is the song to sing.

    • Ella April 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm #

      hahah that’s great!

  27. 2001pm May 1, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    I love your style of writing! :)

  28. oharmons2cents May 9, 2012 at 10:32 am #

    I like this. Funny!

  29. EllaDee May 14, 2012 at 10:06 pm #

    Hi Ella, Life finds you, you don’t find life… :) EllaDee

  30. voluntaryfiber May 15, 2012 at 11:33 am #

    Just wanted to stop by- I’m of the opinion everyone should delay marriage, etc. until they experience as many “elation”-ships as necessary to be fullfilled by them (safely of course). Only then we (okay- some of us) know what we want in a serious relationship.

    • Ella May 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm #

      elation-ships!!! YES!

  31. memyselfandkids May 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm #

    Funny & well written.

    • Ella May 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm #

      thank youuuu!!! <3

  32. Silverkbaby May 29, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    Oh Ella, If I had written a blog about my single days this is what it would look like! Thank you! Now, here I am, married and buying our first house… Oh how life changes!

    I did my dues… I put up with the hot guys that were assholes (and there were lots of them but they only ever lasted a week, maybe two if they were really hot, before I was over them) and the mediocre ones that were too nice (you know the ones that follow you like a lost puppy and say “Whatever you want…” (Seriously dude, can’t you make up your own mind for once?)
    Then enter hubby stage left… or should that be dance floor left? Yes, we met in a nightclub (Yuck.!! I was famous for the snog then run after giving a fake number, you never want to see a guy you’ve pashed in a club in daylight… It never seems to end well) but somehow with this one it did… and the rest is history! And hold onto that spontaneity too, it’s the biggest thing about those days I miss! Anyway, thanks for the trip down memory lane x

    • Ella May 30, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

      yay there is HOPE!!!! congratulations, I wish you and your hubby the best!!!

  33. clemarchives May 30, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    Better to like silver foxes than to be one of those people who only goes after high schoolers regardless of your age. I guess what I’m saying is be glad you haven’t started your life as a cougar (YET)


  1. boy competitions are pure delicious fun. | thefobbymotherland - April 18, 2012

    […] reading this post from the lovely Ella, I got to thinking about my own dating habits – only to realize that […]

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