“You really are a great guy, but right now I’m looking for an a-hole.”- @ExGFPRBLMS.
As a wee one I was
kinda-sorta smart a genius… obviously. I was thrown into kindergarten class at the ripe age of four. I was forced into a program in which I read Dr. Seuss books to sixth graders… during nap time. While the illiterate kinders were in La-La Land during nap time, I was developing both my reading and social skills hanging out with the big boys. This is how my admiration for older men silver foxes developed. Between that and the trend of kids sucking their moms teets til six years old, I have always been the youngest in my classes- even in college. Last to get my license, last to turn 21, but first to sneak whiskey from my dad’s cabinets. Even people academically a year behind me are older than me.
This background story is significant to how I handled myself with Toby. I met Toby while picking my girlfriend up from the dorms at school. I pulled in to a red zone, threw my hazard lights on and waited for her to come out. Toby was passing by on his Sector 9 and struck up conversation with me. My girlfriend finally hopped into my illegally parked car, and I was ready to roll out. Toby insisted Stop playing hard to get and give me your number. Homeboy had an ego, and I had a desire to
boost it break it. But when I refused to bite the bait, Toby hopped behind my car- while I was in reverse! This was very Noah from The Notebook of him, I’m not moving til you give me your number. My heart was racing. Whether it was because I almost hit him with my car, had been illegally parked for 20 minutes, or was slightly turned on- I’m not sure. Maybe it was mixture of all three, but Toby got his wish. Fastforward –> super cliché, romantic dates: candlelit dinners, live music, sharing popcorn at the movies, the whole shebang.
Toby was six-feet-two-inches of pure bliss. He was one of the very few people who can make me laugh out loud. He also annoyingly intelligent; and I loved it.
Oh yeah… and did I mention he was a freshman in college while I was a college senior, months away from graduating? So when I wanted to order wine, I felt guilty. I couldn’t invite him to the bars with my friends and he didn’t have the extensive social network four years at the school built me. Uhh how do you not know who Sara Haduni is? She’s totes my bff! These are the
well-thought-out oh-so-shallow reasons why I had to let it go.
When I finally decided to end things for good, he slyly said You know Ella, in all the time we’ve been dating I’ve not once mentioned age. You always bring it up. My question is who needs to grow up here? Ziiing. He had a point, I was so wrapped up in my long list of expectations & standards, I punished Toby for not being the fantasy silver fox I created in my koo-koo-for-Kettle-One head. Moreover, I punished myself. [Wow, this blog took an unexpected sentimental turn].
I guess my moral of this story is: you should live in the moment, instead of overthinking every single “flaw.” Whoever you end up marrying is gonna be the exception to all your current rules anyway [ask your mom].