(Dumb) Shit Guys Say (to Me)

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In high school, my Myspace background was this photo:

And it’s time I go back to my roots. To augment this article, check out my Heat of the Moment blogs (parts 1 & part 2) which zeroes in on the really dumb shit guys say when we’re naked behind closed doors.

Below is a list of things I’ve been told since  my last blog in June.

No, she just thinks I’m her boyfriend. Mind you, he said this at the Dirty D while she stood staring at us talking.

You’re a virgin? Let’s have sex!  I’d bet it’d feel so good. I’m sure! But for whom? Because I don’t remember my girlfriends sitting wishing sex felt like their very first-time every time.

You’re not pretty or ugly, you got a unique face… like Lady Gaga.

I really like your fat ass.

Your stretch marks remind me of a tiger, raawr.

I normally only like skinny chicks, but I find you attractive.

I like it when a girl pays for dinner, it shows she’s independent. 

I guess I’m just always attracted to psychos.

You’re not the kinda girl I would have dated in college, but I would now.

So here’s my number, call me maybe? Look gentlemen the only 7-digits of yours I want is your annual income   $1,234,567, and how much of it you’re going to spend on me. Capiche?

I’m a grown ass man! Aww baby, if you have to say so, it ain’t so.

I can tell you care more about me, than I care for you. Bitch please. You must have mental disease.

I tell you that ‘you look good’ in the morning when 90% other guys would think you look haggard. I’m going to make it my life’s mission that he never lives this one down ever. I’m not saying I’m perfect without make-up. (ok, maybe I am saying that). But I mean… look at my skin. Good Black don’t crack!

No make-up when I wake up, and hungover as shit

60 thoughts on “(Dumb) Shit Guys Say (to Me)”

      • I gave it some thought. What is the dumbest thing I have ever said to pick up a girl that is as hot as you…
        Nothing specific comes to mind. I am the best “Kris” I can be, whereas I wouldn’t care as much or even say as much to a lesser attractive woman.
        I think my problem would be that I tend to ramble on. I ask questions like I am writing a book.
        I don’t like saying much about myself. I told a friend that I wanted to remain an enigma…he said I remain something, but enigma wasn’t the word. lol
        Are u an artist. I am apprenticing (is that a word) as a literary agent. Even if I only represented my body of work, I am confident about doing very well.
        With your wit, charisma, and sex appeal, would make you a very good candidate to write a book. You have the face of a model, and I would wager you can act.
        GIVE ME UNTIL APRIL WHEN I LAUNCH MY NETWORK OF UNDISCOVERED TALENT.
        THE LAW OF ATTRACTION SAYS THAT LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.
        I think it is at work here. I have the resources to take it as far as I want, and I have no limits on what I can accomplish.
        If you feel this way, contact me personally. If not, watch, listen, or read the book “THE SECRET”
        It reawakened my faith and changes lives.
        Talk to me, I am looking for people I can help, and keeping my agenda in view, someone who will help me. I follow my instincts so I hope to hear more about you regarding this topic.

        Smiles
        J Kris H

  3. This made me sad and laugh at the same time. How can be boys, yes boys, be so silly to think that these lines are things that we want to hear? I mean c’mon! Anyone with an ounce of common sense should be able to realize that these lines are in no way shape or form a complement. BTW you look gorgeous!

    Reply

    • Hahhaa it’s supposed to be funny! funny in a “are you for effing real right now?” kinda way! 🙂 All smiles on my end ❤

      Reply

  9. Glad to see you are back to blogging. Your blog is an “interesting” point of view that most people don’t often share. I think that could be called honesty. But, keep writing!

    Reply

  10. Pingback: From ‘Ella, ‘Ella’s blog: (Dumb) Shit Guys Say (to Me) « thehuntformrrightnow

  16. Wow, guys have seriously said that to you??? Ridiculous, men are so disgusting sometimes!! I’m sorry your ex-boyfriend didn’t stay monogamous, clearly something is wrong with him if he’s straying for a 17 year old…I think that right there says a lot. Anyways, glad to see you back in the blogging world!! =)

    Reply

      • You just have to keep your eyes out for the guys who are only acting dumb…nothing to be alarmed over, most aren’t that gifted at acting either.

        Thank you! What a sweet thing for you to say. I can honestly return that compliment-u r simply drop-dead georgeous and If I was not so hopelessly devoted to my wife, I would be very devoted to getting to know you better. It is no wonder you are so popular here.

        You are goddess among mortals. Plus you have the wit and charm that I find so endearing. If it was another time, I think we would be very good friends and find ourselves enjoying one another’s company on a deeper level…

        So,I will do the best I can to extend my friendship. When you are interested in a guy-run his vitals by me- and I will let you know if I think he is legit – ,Mr. Right kind, or if he’s just another Mr. Right-now. Ive studied in this area believe it or not.

        It’s an open invitation to have a friendship with a real heterosexual man who has amassed quite a lot of insight on human behaviors.

        Smiles!
        Kris

    • What have girls said to me?

      Generally, it is another of what I am drinking and a finger wave and shy smile. Girls really are better and have a higher success rate than guys. 1st of all, if you have lady-parts, the sale is already almost closed.

      I had one Asian girl who just walked bravely up to me, the table in the corner was her friends laughing. In fragmented English.

      We talking about you. We think you pretty American. I replied “pretty, huh?” I said with humor in my tone.

      She kept going like she had to get everything she had to say said the way it was rehearsed, I guess. She keeps going and her face has lost all expression.

      We want you come sit with ___. She wants relations for you. Then she got too embarrassed and ran back over to her table. I found out which one ____ was, and just wasn’t drunk enough

      Reply

  25. Hey Ella, sorry it didn’t work out. Well maybe not so sorry as he sounds like a twat (as we say in London.). Who would want to cheat on you? Idiot. 🙂 There are bigger and better out there waiting for you.

    I love reading your blog and am looking for contributors for my new book Mr Wrong. I’m looking for stories/experiences with ‘Mr Wrong.’ The purpose of these collection of stories is to unite, empower and inspire women and give us a forum to share our stories. It’s time to stop blaming ourselves. Mr Wrong explores why some women seem to attract Mr Wrong in an insightful but witty way and looks at how to set out on a positive path to Mr Right.

    I would love to hear your stories and experiences and anyone else’s on here. Please do check out my blog. You will see some excerpts from the book, views from both women and men and even vote for your favourite Mr Wrong sketch. You can post a story under my Share My Story section or email me at dingdongitsmrwrong@yahoo.co.uk If your story is chosen for the book you will be notified. NB all names will be changed if you require.

    Take care and happy dating!

    Daniella 🙂

    Reply

  28. Disturbingly funny. I like your sense of humor.
    That’s quite true. Guys are stupid cos they always chase dumb girls who use their hormones in a relationship instead of a brain. LOL~

    Reply

  30. I have been active on a different blog and forgot my login credentials…bummer. Anyway, I am back too… I can relate to relationship problems. My marriage is failing after so many years together.

    I have a publisher for three manuscripts and have been working on nearly a dozen fiction projects. But I need a female POV. I am finding it extremely difficult to understand certain traits of the opposite gender.

    I have had some girls, quite a bit younger than I, boldly come on to me. We just got back from Costa Rica and a pretty girl at the resort was drunk and started buying me drinks. My wife, was already back at the room.

    Just about the time this girl and her friend joined me in a booth. Of course that is when my wife comes in and sees her taking a picture of me with her cell phone. She gave me a nasty look and stormed back to the room.

    I got up to go after her when this girl, Julia, slapped me on the ass. My wife tried to slam the door but it opened both ways, so it just swang all the way open. I was about to leave and go after her when the waitress handed me another Long Island Iced tea (aka Bad decision in a glass)

    This drunk girl was quite pretty and I would have been interested if not in a relationship. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me back and I fell on top of her. As I was trying to set back up my head was under her skirt. She had a black thong btw…

    I apologized but she didn’t seem to need one. I tried to leave again and made it all the way to the elevator. That’s when I realized my wallet was still back at the bar.

    So, I head back to the bar and she held up my wallet as I re-entered the bar. They were speaking in Spanish and did not know that I am fluent.

    I heard them talking to each other about me. The pretty one boasted that I would end up in her room that night. I asked for her to return my wallet but she resisted. She asked me if I like what I saw when my head was under her skirt. I did…so i didnt answer. She tells her friend to watch this in Spanish.

    Her hand slid up my bare thigh and under my shorts. When she got to my junk I stopped her and reaffirmed again that I am a married man.

    She had left my wallet unattended so I snatched it and left. I went back to the room and learned Satan was there in the form of my wife.

    Now, other than accept a few free drinks, I did nothing wrong. Granted, it looked bad, but I had no infidelity on my conscous. But that didn’t matter to her. She saw what she saw and concluded I was a cheater.

    She has been overly insecure. I have two books about to be released followed up by a third by the end of this year. She knows that these books will do well and that I will have to go on a tour with my publicist (also a beautiful female) and she is always mad at me.

    What do I do? It doesn’t seem to matter what I say. I am guilty of things she thinks I WILL do, I guess. I am known to flirt, but I have never even thought about crossing the line until now. I can’t take her any more. It is always something…especially when I have done nothing.

    Any advice? My marriage is falling down around me, and I am, for the first time, maybe, actually innocent. Maybe it just isn’t going to work anymore.

    I am so confused.

    Reply

  31. haha oh yes! i’ve been told some really stupid stuff!

    Oh well …. sorry too hear that … guess you’ve got a couple more frogs to kiss :S Enjoy the life of the single though .. it’s awesome!

    Reply

  32. Pingback: Blake T. « Ella Elle L'A

  33. Hi Ella,

    I am Kris. I have read and commented on your blog. But it has been been awhile. I have found myself overwhelmed.

    You see, I posted an article that was off-topice on my student blog for a travel course I take.

    I did nothing to market it. I didn’t even use tags. Before I knew it, I went from 20 comments to well over 2400 reader comments at this site.

    According to my readers, I have had the top-rated blog site on all of the major search engines on and off since January. He or she went on to tell me it was in the top spot for the past two consecutive weeks.

    Anyway, to make a short story long…I have a proposition for you. I am currently having a network of websites being developed. It is intended to revolutionize the way creative talent is discovered.

    Since that blog was a student blog, Matador U started intercepting my notifications and blocked them from viewing my account. It was handled in such a way that was completely unprofessional.

    I get a comment that is made up of one sentence. He or she did not identify theirself as being with matadoru…this person just told me that he needs his students to do their work.

    I asked for more context, but nothing came. They still intercept my reader comments and censor or withhold a great number of comments.

    On average, I would get 5-10 new comments an hour. At around 2PM, the faucet was turned off. Notifications have been coming from matadoru every since, and my account has been blocked.

    I could hardly think that my blog was such a distraction that it consumed too much of his or her student’s time…It could be that students were turning in my material and taking credit, I don’t know…

    If they would have just read what I am teaching and how valuable it is, I can’t imagine they would want me to redirect traffic away from their student’s blog.

    My main site is

    http://halley.matadoru.com/

    And I get the large majority of comments on

    http://halley.matadoru.com/2012/12/16/a-workout-called-insanity/

    and

    http://halley.matadoru.com/2012/12/10/i-was-born-in-ohio-river-valley/

    If you would be so kind, would you mind visiting my website? It will tell you a lot about who I am. It will also tell you what I have going on.

    I was first published in 1997. I have been in TV Commercials that I wrote and directed. I have a three manuscript set that is due out this year…”Free-Spirit Fitness, Epiphany (nonfictional version) and “The Travel Chronicles of an American Family”

    I am sparing no expense. I have all the high-tech recording equipment and the industry leading software through Adobe. I know you are talented. I also know you are about as charming as I have met.

    I just fired my agent, my publicist, and, by default, my editor. I retained my manager. I am looking to hire tech support, website professionals, and of course, recruit artistic talent.

    Komet Kreations Talent Agncy will revolutionize how creative talent will be discovered by offering only pre-screened, or selective talent and “one-click shopping”

    We will be the Wal-Mart Superstore of the entertainment industry.

    “One finds the greatest measure of succes in helping others succeed.”
    –That One Guy

    This is real.

    Make sure to read enough on my site, that you have confidence in this enterprise. You have “it” and I want to help you get published (if you haven’t already.” I have models, actors, musicians, photographers and videographers, graphic artists, songwriters and poetry, screen and stage plays, and even a site for young people to develop their artistic predispositon.

    My Free-Spirit philosophy is by far the most noble thing I can offer the world. I have learned how to live a genuinely happy life. I have learned much and shared much on those blogs. It has been recieved extremely well.

    The biggest concern I have is that a large population of my readers were just cut off-no explanation that I know of, they were just blocked from my blog.

    I am not really asking anything from you beyond taking a look at what I have been doing so that you will have an educated impression of who I am.

    My email is krishalley@live.com or krishalley@gmail.com. This is an opportunity…it is at the door, and knocking loud.

    It is worthwhile…I promise.

    I look forward to hearing from you soon. I am sure you will have questions. I am even more sure that you will be happy with the unlimited potential that an intellectual mind like your’s should recognize in no time.

    But, why should I be talking. Let my reader comments tell you. Then email me.

    Think Well, Be Well
    JK Halley

    Reply

  34. Attractive on the outside, not too much drama and a lot of character on the inside and you go get a good man. Trust your gut, and listen to your reason.

    Reply

  36. Pingback: BSP Discusses Relationships and … Other Stuff | bittersportspills

  37. I type too fast for my own good. I have since learned to keep it under 3 chapters. 🙂 I just wanted to thank you. I have been so focused on the book and marketing, that somehow I forgot about all of the material I posted on here.

    I also want to say that I am a fan. I did a lousy job hiding my interest in your talent. When your notification arrived, I wasn’t sure if you were the same person.

    You are willing to reach out and that behavior is consistent to where you are .

    Anyway, I believe that everything happens exactly when it should. It took an email notification reminded me of how much I have already written. The Free Spirit philosophy has evolved into something special and it is rewarding to see where it came from during one part of its evolution

    Reply

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