I’m baaaaack! Monogamy didn’t work out so well for me. I was monogamous… he wasn’t. But I got my blog to save the day! Can’t you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, blog. Yeah that’s the super blog.
I know I’m a little late on the “Shit Girls Say” trend, but I need to get my
toes giblets wet before I start posting my weekly blog again. In high school, my Myspace background was this photo:
And it’s time I go back to my roots. To augment this article, check out my Heat of the Moment blogs (parts 1 & part 2) which zeroes in on the really dumb shit guys say when we’re
naked behind closed doors.
Below is a list of things I’ve been told since my last blog in June.
No, Ella she just thinks I’m her boyfriend. Mind you, he said this at the Dirty D while she stood staring at us talking.
You’re a virgin? Let’s have sex! I’d bet it’d feel so good. I’m sure! But for whom? Because I don’t remember my girlfriends sitting wishing sex felt like their very first-time every time.
You’re not pretty or ugly, you got a unique face… like Lady Gaga.
I really like your fat ass.
Your stretch marks remind me of a tiger, raawr.
I normally only like skinny chicks, but I find you attractive.
I like it when a girl pays for dinner, it shows she’s independent.
I guess I’m just always attracted to psychos.
You’re not the kinda girl I would have dated in college, but I would now.
So here’s my number, call me maybe? Look gentlemen the only 7-digits of yours I want is your annual income $1,234,567, and how much of it you’re going to spend on me. Capiche?
I’m a grown as man! Aww baby, if you have to say so, it ain’t so.
I can tell you care more about me, than I care for you. Bitch please. You must have mental disease.
I tell you that ‘you look good’ in the morning when 90% other guys would think you look haggard. I’m going to make it my life’s mission that he never lives this one down ever. I’m not saying I’m perfect without make-up. (ok, maybe I am saying that). But I mean… look at my skin. Good Black don’t crack!