Prince Ali Ababwa

If I invite, a boy some night, to cook up some hot enchilada.  Though Spanish rice, is all very nice, my heart belongs to DaDa – Marilyn Monroe

I’m not nicknaming this discarded man Aladdin, because that Aladdin character was a street rat with a monkey-friend. Yuck. Ali Ababawa was a Prince with a pet ellaphant. Yummm. 

In college, I did 3 (three! very long) research papers on how Disney stories blah blah bad roles models for girls blah blah low self-esteem. Whatever. As a kid my favorite Disney princess was Jasmine (there wasn’t that Black one, yet). So thanks to Disney I have a complete and total infatuation with pet tigers & Middle Eastern men.

I am a sucker for foreigners. So when Ali asked me out on a date, I was excited but… wary. I didn’t know this guy at all, so I demanded we go somewhere public. Interestingly he responded, Well if you’re so worried about your safety, why don’t you just bring a friend? Offer accepted. Having a sorority sister with me was a great ice breaker, kinda like Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona without the kinky sex scenes. Definitely the best first date of all time. Beachfront restaurant… candlelit dinner… entire patio to ourselves… flawless. I don’t condone polyamorous relationships (1 penis, 1 menstrual cycle is enough for me), but I must admit 3 is company. The night was a Magic Carpet Ride- but instead of a dirty carpet, we rode Ali’s V8 engine vroom.

A couple days later, I was dining with my dad at a restaurant, and Ali was there. What a small, small world [gulp]. I was reluctant to introduce my dad to Ali: 1 my dad is the most intimidating person you’ll ever lay eyes on and 2 he is also political talk show host. Well, their conversation went right over my head, Don’t ask me, I’m just a girl. All I know is: our meal was ‘taken care of,’ my dad apparently knew some Arabic, and they exchanged contact info. Yup. They exchanged contact info. Not okay. Weeks passed, I got busy & stopped answering Ali’s calls. This prompted Ali to call my father. Hey, it’s Ali. Just wanted to see how you and Ella are doing. My dad was none too pleased. Have you showered lately, because something smells fishy?  That’s all it took, Ali got the boot. Because I know better than to question the man who pays my bills.

Such a shame, I liked Ali. And wherever he is, I’m sure he’s making moves. Meanwhile, I’m back to being Princess Jasmine waiting for a suitor of whom my dad approves.

Lessons:

• A guy willing to wine and dine you and your girlfriend is a baller. Keep him around.
• But if a guy doesn’t get your father’s seal of approval, move on. Daddy knows best!
• The reason I don’t write about great dates I had, because they just aren’t as funny as the train wrecks. And today’s blog proves that.