“The difference between romantic and psychotic is determined by how mutual the feelings are.”- Ella.
I’ve said it before, I’ll probably say it again: I went to an all-girls high school. Hopefully this can excuse my neurotic impulses when it comes to men. My first semester of college I was boy-crazy. I mean Internet Friends crazy. I shudder to remember all the times I’d knock on random dorm rooms. Hey boys wanna hang out? Or even worse all my booty calls, who I labeled “bc” in my phone that I would mass text. Yikes. The most stalkerish story I have to offer is the story of Casper. Oh Casper.
My best friend Sophia (that’s her real name, I love her. shout out!) and I went to the same high school, same college, and joined the same sorority. We’re pretty much inseparable, or we were til she decided to go to law school. Sophia was a Political Science major, and I was a Chemistry major. So she had normal men in her classes and I had….Chem/Bio/Math majors in my classes.
While walking her to the AF building, she introduced me to Casper. On a scale of 1 to 10, Capser is a solid five. But in my freshman eyes he was a god: athletic, tall, wore glasses, diabetic, pothead, yum. So I sat in on their class that day, and everyday the entire semester. The entire semester. I did the homework, I wrote the essays, took the tests, spoke in class, etc.
Mid-semester, the prof said “Ella you’re not on my roster? There must’ve been a mistake. We’ll talk to the dept. chair about getting you enrolled.” Unfortunately, I was already taking 17 units, so adding 3 more would increase my tuition. No thank you. The professor understood and really respected my desire to learn. I didn’t care about the credit, I was using that class to sit next to Casper twice a week. Nobody but Sophia and the professor knew I wasn’t enrolled.
A year later, Casper became roommates with Paul. I took this opportunity to “hang out” at his house. And I finally hooked up with Casper!!!
Uh too bad it was horrible. The disappointment was a real slap in the face. But since I had the upperhand, I told him how I wasn’t really in our class. I thought he’d be flattered, but I think he contemplated a restraining order. Worst of all, I added a PoliSci minor my junior year and had to re-take that f-ing class (for credit).
I guess my lessons are:
- When you build a guy up in your head, he’ll never live up to your expectations. Buh-leeeave me.
- Let the guy pursue you. Girls appreciate gimmicks/ploys. We call it romantic, but guys call it batshitcrazy.
- We all make stupid, stalker mistakes. Learn from it and move on. Feel guilty for driving by his house or bookmarking his facebook page? Well at least you didn’t write a 7 page paper on immigration laws for him.